


Roses & Flags

by je000nghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Coughing, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Vomiting, did i tag that right? lol. anyways it’s hanahaki, idk how much of an angsty fic this is but yeah it’s angst, no one dies don’t worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 08:11:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je000nghan/pseuds/je000nghan
Summary: “you know, it’s funny; when you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”— Wanda (Bojack Horseman, S02E10)jeonghan and joshua are the epitome of perfectly fine and wonderfully in love — or so jeonghan would like to think; nevermind that he’s been coughing damned petals for the past few months.





	Roses & Flags

**Author's Note:**

> this one’s for Gale. this fic can’t wait until Christmas. love you!

all the thousands of versions of french lovesong ‘La Vie En Rose’ fear at the immense love jeonghan has for joshua, for all joshua to him is painted in faint colours of red and pink. when jeonghan looks at joshua, his vision turns into a head-over-heels anime protagonist and joshua has glitters around him, and suddenly, sakura leaves are falling and his mind voiceovers a soft giggle and a sigh that whispers _“well, world. if this isn’t love?”_

it’s cute. joshua doesn’t need to smile for jeonghan to think he is what defines ‘happy’ and what delivers ‘happiness’ to him. everything is even better when joshua laughs, and so much more when he laughs because of jeonghan.

but it’s not any less of love on the days when joshua is mad at him. it isn’t new for an old couple to have their fair share of fights and their quick moments of upset tears and the hugs that come right after, and it’s so odd for jeonghan to even think about this because frankly, he _misses_ fighting with joshua. and if isn’t too much to ask, he’d say, _“yes, please, joshua, i would like to fight with you. please, please, joshua. fight with me.”_ because any bit of emotion is so much better than empty smiles and half-hearted _I love you’s._

but, no. No. jeonghan shoots that thought in his mental trashbin. how did those words even occur to him? that’s weird; his vision is supposed to be a rose-coloured prism and a monochromatic kaleidoscope of joshua, his love, and him alone. _i love him. i love him. i love him. he loves me. i love him. please. he loves me. i love him. i love him. he told me he loves me. i love him. i love him. i love h—_

jeonghan punches a fist down the running sink, transparent water mixing in with his prideful gradients of red and pink. but it’s not his skin that contributes the colours, no; his knuckles are perfectly fine, albeit a bit of blushing. instead, the colours are a painful vomit from his mouth, accompanying the petals he has coughed so plenty and fresh like it was the first time.

 

unfortunately, the first time jeonghan had known of his disease called Hanahaki, joshua was there to witness. it’s so unfair that the world sabotaged him without a tease or a warning; that’s not how the villains worked on movies and the television where they would always send a threatening note or a two-minute monologue. can’t jeonghan’s rose-coloured world at least give him a heads up or an overnight tip? jeonghan would’ve begged for a day if he could’ve, because it feels excruciating to know that joshua’s last _I love you_ was not the same as jeonghan’s _I love you, too._

joshua didn’t love him back, not anymore. and the whole picture looks so sorry for a person who has carried himself to the world with the right amount of pride and a wholesome dignity. he hates to remember that one 4:47 a.m. when he didn’t know whether he wanted to stay awake and keep his heart on check, or fall asleep and anticipate a creeping heartbreak. thank goodness he drank a cup more of coffee than he should before dinner, nevermind that joshua never liked it when he did it because it fucks up his sleeping schedule and he gets cranky in the mornings. lately, however, joshua hadn’t been caring.

funny though, that dawn, because jeonghan couldn’t sleep anyhow, not when his lungs were fired up and his mouth all burning. blood never felt so warm against his skin and he swore his teeth and tongue were red all over. it’s such a scary sight, but jeonghan had no chance of getting away from all the horror of throwing up irksome looking petals with the ringing sound of joshua’s unwanted confessions.

jeonghan had to deal with the rough scratches of his throat, and the burning of his lungs, and the coldness of the metals of the sink against his palms, and the breaking of his heart, and the downpour of words in joshua’s voice that all translated to _“Jeonghan, I’m sorry. I don’t think I love you anymore.”_

damn it! of all things, joshua had to _fall out of love_. Out Of Love. like, the world just knew how impossibly difficult that would be for jeonghan so _fuck you, world! fuck you and your bullshit suckhole of a scheme when you could have made joshua fall in love with someone else instead! fuck you! fuck you! fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!_

it would hurt less for jeonghan if it were the case, at least joshua would be happy, but _fuck you, world! you had to make Two people miserable! fuck you with my big fucking dick, asshole!_

 

jeonghan washes the blood splatters before they could turn into stains, and disposes of the flowers from his insides — he has to manage, enough is enough.

so when jeonghan wakes up the next morning, his vision turns multicoloured albeit unsaturated. still, things were dark and dull and all that associated to what makes a person unhappy. but now, he has his reasons; La Vie En Rose no more.

joshua wasn’t so good afterall.

joshua didn’t have glitters and his head didn’t have sakura leaves all over; and the whispers inside jeonghan’s head were not love and adoration. fuck no. instead, they were a cry for help and a sick mode of toleration because joshua had been mean to him. remember? his _I love you’s_ were half-empty, his _Sorry’s_ were utter bullshit.

suddenly, jeonghan could pin it from one of those days when joshua said his presence was annoying. he could map it from the time joshua called his thoughts senseless and that he didn’t care about his cousin getting married, nor when he had a job promotion, not even when he almost crashed his car. how stupid of him not to realize the past few months have actually been just rose-coloured blindness of joshua’s red fucking flags, shielding him from watching much of his value slowly decrease from someone who had so much worth in joshua’s eyes to someone who’s worth is death from hanahaki. 

jeonghan wants to might as well be dead; but, because he’s incredibly stupid, jeonghan wants to see joshua at his happiest first.

but if he died, would joshua mourn? he hopes not. jeonghan would like to have joshua smiling at all his days. God forbid tears unto joshua, may his days be merry and oh so fucking bright.

it’s so unfair. even without the rose-coloured glasses, jeonghan still loves him just the same; the blood on his bed and the petals on his hands say so, too.

**Author's Note:**

> well, that was sad. if you liked that (or didn’t like that), hit that kudos and leave me a comment? i’d love to hear from you! also, hasn’t ao3 been quiet lately? i hope not, it would be sad to run out of things to read! D:
> 
> by the way, i had thought of making making joshua the one with the disease, but i think this kind of heavy and angry angst fits more for jeonghan. :D
> 
> also, the stressed student that i am would gratefully take a cup of coffee as a form of support: [here!](https://ko-fi.com/F1F7OQ52) you know, if you ever liked my work that much. i’ll drink it well, i promise. thank you ♡
> 
> anyways, you can find me on twitter [@je000nghan](https://twitter.com/je000nghan) and on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/je000nghan) which is linked to my twitter au account [@yoonhong_](https://twitter.com/yoonhong_)! let’s be friends!


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